Living In the Sweet Spot

At the end of your life, will you wonder what your proudest moments were?
Obviously I’m doing it! Maybe it’s my age?
Gladys is in the top three and here’s her story, as I remember! 

First The Facts

I was hired to be the Director of a faith based preschool in 1985 in Northern Virginia. Gladys was the bookkeeper. What’s a bookkeeper you ask? Why is money so important to the running of an early care and education center? Here you go!

Bookkeeping is the activity
or occupation of keeping records
of the financial affairs of a business.

Is there enough money to make payroll is important. Where does the money come from? What about the actual running of the school you ask? Paying the electricity bill is important. Let’s talk about a budget. You get it now? 

And boy did she run a tight ship. She taught me that when you run a preschool everything relates back to  to the budget.  I believed her. I trusted her. She was a math major. Remember that I don’t know much because I’m in my first months of being a Director. And thank goodness that Gladys was an expert and she generously shared all of her knowledge with me. I gladly received it, soaked it all in! Gladys also taught Sunday School. I remember chatting with her about her love of teaching and her wish to become a “real” teacher since she was a little girl growing up in Charlottesville, VA. She wanted bookkeeping to be a side gig.

The Story

It was my first year as the Director and of course a teacher decides that for whatever reason, she’s leaving. Really? In September? It’s one of many nightmares for a Director. And this will be my first hire as the Director. Where will I find that someone that is experienced and knowledgable? I want to get this right the first time. 

I found this quote the other day as I began to write this story and I immediately thought of Gladys! 

The most important qualities of any educator 
are not adequately captured on a resume. 
It is hard to quantify passion, energy, dedication, 
patience, perseverance, and love… 
but in the classroom… 
those qualities make all the difference in the world.
Danny Steele, Educator

Back to the story! I’ve only been on the job a few weeks and now I have to make a major decision? And as mentioned in my last Blog, I don’t know what I’m doing and I need help. And why does Gladys’ name keep bubbling up in my thoughts? And yet, the bubbles are there and they won’t go away. I tell myself to pay attention. 

You see where this is going don’t you?  
She’s right under my nose.
It’s Gladys! 
And here’s the deal.
Gladys has a speech impediment.

Did I mention that she was really good with young children? She’s curious about children and how they learn. Curious has ALWAYS been an important word to me. She’s a team player. She’s kind and loving. And I want the best teacher for my first hire. And in my heart, it’s Gladys! So how can I do this? Ask for help! 

I lived in the Northern Virginia area, outside of Washington, DC. That translates to lots and lots of universities. So I looked in the phone book. Remember that it’s 1985, and I found the speech department at The George Washington University. And guess what? I found someone to speak to me about my conundrum. She asked me so many questions. And this is the only question that I remember. “Is she in speech therapy?” I happily replied, “yes!” This person assured me that three year olds would not start speaking like Gladys. That’s the short story! 

And just like that I knew in my heart that Gladys was going to be spectacular. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Speaking with a speech expert was just the first step. There is a whole process to hire a teacher or so I thought. 

As I proceeded with the hiring process, I discovered that the process wasn’t rigorous enough and yet that’s what I had to work with in hiring Gladys. I made copious notes as to where I saw the holes and kept moving the process forward. I don’t remember her being interviewed by the School Board from the church but I know it happened. I just don’t remember it. 

And then it begins! I announce that Gladys has been hired and just like that I am met by some women with cruel and bitter criticism. I am stunned that this was happening in a church. It was unsettling for sure. My Office Manager was one of the strongest voices. Another teacher quit. That ended up being a good thing. Thankfully only one family left. 

Yet, here’s the good news. The support and love for Gladys and my decision was louder that the naysayers. This is where you can breathe a sigh of relief. I know that I did. Don’t get me wrong. It was tough going there the first few months. Parents just wanted the reassurance that their precious child was going to grow, learn, and be loved. I wanted the same thing. Some folks may think that my decision was risky! That word never entered my brain. Controversial. I can get on board with that word but not risky. 

The story doesn’t end there. Oh no! By the end of that year, Moms were either writing me notes and coming to see me to request Gladys for their child’s teacher.

And I was growing as a Director. So I grew. Gladys grew and we’re better for it. And here’s how:

• Gladys graduated with a Masters Degree in Early Childhood Education in 1989. 
• Over the years, Gladys presented at NVAEYC conferences. Her presentations were well attended. She was sought out. 
• Gladys served as treasurer of NVAEYC for years.
• Gladys was a sought out teacher by parents and families. Parents would write me begging that their child be in her classroom. 
• Gladys is a published writer. Here are the links to her two books. 
  A Journey Called Life
  Better Parenting Through A Better You

Full Disclosure

As I began to write this blog, I remembered that Gladys had written a book. She had sent me a copy and believe me that I searched my small cottage for it to no avail. I continued to write and then thought, “is her book on Amazon? YES!” 

I ordered her book. 

And my memories are accurate. It’s the dates that are off a bit. I decided to leave my memories “as is!” 

So Where Is the Sweet Spot? 

Here’s what I wonder? Does it come down to this simple idea? 

Every decision that we make in early care and education centers are based on what’s good for children? Could it be that simple? It’s not about making money. Money is a byproduct. Best practices are imperative and they can come in the most unlikely of places… like Gladys. 

Yep! I am proud of this decision and even more proud to call her my friend. 

Do you see any sweet spots? Do you have a Gladys story to share? Write a comment. I’m interested. 

The last time I posted was back in December 2023. regarding my oldest grandson,
A New Chapter.  
Ideas have been swirling in my head since then as to what to write next and nothing sticks. It’s been frustrating.

I began this blog in June 2017. How It All Started That was 7 years ago. My objective was to document my journey through a separation and divorce for my grandchildren in the hopes of accurately portraying my angst to find meaning with what happened and my desire to find happiness and heal.

I find myself at this spot in my journey yearning to write about my career in Virginia. I want to write the stories, again for my grandchildren. So Part Two? Is that what I should call this chapter, these stories? The stories will be in no particular order. They are stories that filled my heart and helped me to grow to see the world differently.

Where do I begin? I am aware that I didn’t journal during this time of my tenure as an Early Childhood Education Director, 1985-2004. This is all from my memory. Thankfully I have letters and photos to help.

Where do I begin? From the beginning makes sense!

I was hired the summer of 1985 by the church school committee to be the director of a faith based early childhood development center and here’s the cool thing! It was a parent cooperative. That just means that a parent is expected to help in their child’s classroom a certain amount of times for the year. This presented me with a lot of opportunities. 

My first memory is this: 
“I have no idea of what I am doing and I need help!“

So here’s what I came up with quickly. 

1. I knew fairly quickly to go slowly. I began to meet individually with each teacher to hear their hopes and dreams for the school. The side benefit was learning about their families.
2. I need a degree. I have a Bachelor’s in Biology but that doesn’t help me with the science of young children and their behavior. I need help. I need a degree in Early Childhood Education.
3. I need to find other folks like me. So I found out about VAECE back in 1985. That led me to NAEYC. Annual conferences became my water fountain. I attended these conferences yearly from 1985-2003.
4. I really needed to get to know all the children. This was imperative. There were about 200 children. And yes, they come with families. So meet “Vic.” He continues to be my favorite puppet. Vic and I sat outside and greeted each child as they entered school for the first 6 weeks. Vic became an important character at the school.
5. Dare I mention the budget? You mean there’s money involved?
6. Lastly, I realized that this was probably a 5 year plan. 

Sweet Spot

So where’s the sweet spot in the beginning? I believe it’s the group of folks that took a chance on me to lead their school to a place they never imagined. Little did I know or they knew the places this would take me! It changed the trajectory of my life. 

Do you see another sweet spot? Hit the comments and tell me your ideas. 

So stay tuned to hear the stories of people like Phil, Demmy, Abbey and Gladys.
Stay tuned to hear how the entire faculty and two babies flew to Sacramento to meet the infamous Bev Bos and Tom Hunter all thanks to parents. Those babies graduated from college this year, 2024.
Stay tuned to read the journey into making our playground into an outdoor playground.
Stay tuned to read about our journey into understanding the importance of an anti-bias curriculum.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. 

Be sure to leave me a comment. I love hearing from each of you. No I yearn to hear from you!

And so it begins! 

A new chapter in the life with my oldest grandson, IGF, begins!

It’s his first semester of college, a community college. It’s a good fit for him. Now I have to navigate his school and work schedule. Did I mention that the world looks at him as an adult? 

I believe that formatting this next chapter of our lives is important. Timing is priority! It can’t wait until the summer. Thankfully his school is closed the week of Thanksgiving! And just like that there’s a plan. He flies to me in Charleston on the Saturday before Thanksgiving and flies back home on Tuesday before Thanksgiving. And here’s the new thing, I just communicate with him. Society thinks he’s an adult. I am going to have to get use to this. I’m breathing! 

Logistics! 

IGF is 19 years old. He doesn’t have his drivers license right now. He’s working on it. He lives 1.5 hours from Dulles. And just like that JWF, my youngest son, comes to the rescue! He calls IGF and they arrange an Uber! Did I mention 1.5 hours? I’m breathing!

Have I mentioned my great anxiety about him traversing Dulles by himself? I’m leaning on the memory of teaching him how to do this during Yaya Camps through Chicago, Boston, Dulles, Washington National and San Francisco. He can do this. He can do this. I’m breathing!

I keep reminding myself that the first time is always the hardest, over and over and over again. IGF agrees to text me all along the way and he keeps his promise and just like that he’s here in Charleston with me. Pinch me! The new chapter is happening. 

I have two days with IGF. 
What does he need? 
What does my 19 year old neurodivergent grandson need? 
Confidence and encouragement. 
It’s that simple! 
What experiences can I provide him that will give him confidence? 
Bring it on! 

Sunday, November 19

We go to a great breakfast place on the Island, KISS. He devours blueberry pancakes. I’m feeling relieved because a hearty breakfast is what’s needed for the first experience.
Wild Blue Ropes 

I announce where we’re going and he has the same look on his face from when we rode horses at Gettysburg National Park. I quickly ask him what my job is while he’s with me. He has that look and says, “to keep me safe.” You know the tone of voice. 

I remark, “and riding that horse was your favorite thing in Gettysburg.”
So off we go. I’m remembering the horse. His name is Twister.

We arrive at Wild Blue Ropes and get fitted. We went 35 feet up!
Here’s the before and after photos. 

Next Stop – Fort Sumter

And then we’re off to Fort Sumter National Park! We went there way back in June 2012. I can still remember remarking to him as we approached Fort Sumter. 
“You seem disappointed.” 
IGF responds, “I thought it would be larger!” 
“Me too IGF! Me too!”
And another Junior Ranger badge is added to his collection. 

November 2023  Fort Sumter

It’s different this time! We’re the last boat over. I can feel the difference. 

What will the Ranger be like? 
What will IGF experience? 
What will be different this time? 
And just like that we are there and the US flag has to be lowered. Take my breath away! 
The ranger is unbelievable with his knowledge of history and did I mention that he’s just inspiring. Lowering of the flag helped! 

And then we are on our way back in the Charleston Harbor and I close my eyes and the world seems perfect for a moment.

Monday, November 20

It’s Monday! More history, right? It’s Charleston!
So we’re off to see my favorite historical home, Drayton Hall. 
They’ve done a phenomenal job and I want IGF to have this experience.

From their website: 
“Drayton Hall Preservation Trust fosters a deeper understanding of colonial America and the evolution of life in the South by discovering, researching, conserving, and interpreting the history, context, and culture of Drayton Hall.” 

And here’s the thing! I didn’t take any photos! We were so into our interpreter. She was amazing, the best I’ve had! So here’s a photo from Google Images.

Next Stop– Congaree National Park

It’s the last experience for our time together. We are driving to Congaree National Park to meet my boyfriend. Geez, what should I call him? Boyfriend sounds so High School, so lame! We hike about 3 miles. Walking and talking with guys is good. Right? Better yet is that a college professor is talking with a college freshman and I get to listen. We move on to pizza in Columbia, SC. I’m like a guest at dinner. Pure JOY for me listening to the professor and my grandson for more than 2 hours. 

IGF and I get in the car to return to Charleston and IGF EXCLAIMS,” that was interesting.” Me, “In a good way?” 
IGF, “Oh yes! “ 
Me, “Good!” 
And he’s asleep within 20 minutes and it’s a 2.5 hour drive home. No worries! I’ve got this!

Reflections from the Island Cottage

The Ropes course was critical. This had to be the first experience. 
At one point IGF puts one foot out onto a single wire and quickly takes his foot back and exclaims, “I’m not doing that!” 
I take a deep breathe and ask quietly, “what can you do?”
IGF looks around and finds an alternative path. Sort of like life. 
And off he goes confidently!
I’m silent and hoping that confidence is sinking in to each cell of his body!
I’m learning that silence is a good thing. 

Reflections from the Professor

He’s insightful and ethical.
He’s current with US and foreign policies for a 19 year old.
He’s open to ideas.
He came alive when we got to talking about politics.
I’ll give him an A+! Right?

The Sweet Spot

Where’s The Sweet Spot? 

Let me give you some information first before I get to the sweet spot! 

He’s majoring in recreation and wellness!  

I asked him what he wanted to do with it and without missing a beat he responds, “I am going to be a Park Ranger.” So it’s for real! I’m breathing and remembering ALL the Junior Ranger badges he earned at all the Yaya Camps. Somewhere around 12?

He spoke with the Park Ranger at Congaree National Park. She was young and let’s be honest I think that her nose ring helped to give her credibility. She shared what her major was (the same thing from Clemson) and what was needed on a resume. She was quick to emphasize that Park Ranger resumes are different. I just quietly stepped back and listened. He’s got this! 

So where’s the sweet spot? 

The sweet spot is he’s growing up! 

He’s an amazing and kind human being that I get to call my oldest grandson. 

He’s got this! I am thrilled to be a part of his life. 

And all is perfect with the world for this moment. 

It’s happening!
2023 is the year that IGF graduates. How did that happen when it seems like just yesterday he was born?

It’s happening!
This chapter of IGF’s life is finishing and another chapter is beginning. How did this happen?

What are my commitments to us as I head into IGF’s graduation?

❤️ Breathing is imperative.
❤️ Staying present is essential.
❤️ What will keep me on track? Breathing
❤️. What can de-rail me? Sightings of JJ and JMF
❤️ What will get me back on track? Breathing and positive self talk.

It’s the ending of a chapter for IGF and me! I’m ready! I want to get the ending right! The last 19 years of Yaya Camps have been amazing, from Virginia National Parks to San Francisco to Boston to Philadelphia to Washington, DC to Chicago and yes Charleston, SC! Did I mention National Parks?

Yaya and Ian at Isle of Palms Beach August 2005

May/June 2023
So I’m off to IGF’s graduation and I am full of excitement to end this chapter of IGF’’s life and yet let’s just keep it real here. I’m bracing myself because I will see JJ and JMF. It’s been 11 years since I have seen them! I can think about it, write about it and yet I can’t predict what’s going to happen. I’m on my way!

Breathing is my best friend!
My inner speech is critical. “I can handle this.” And yet my body doesn’t feel like it.

Back to the story!
Bracing for this experience! BRACING is the operative word here! It appears in my journal over and over again. I’m flying from New Jersey into National Airport and anxious has literally jumped on me. Thankfully, I know what anxious whispers, “you need more information.” Geez it is so hard to wait for that information.
I arrive and check into the hotel and text IGF. Lucky Yaya! I’m off to get him and we go back to Chili’s bar and just like that, we connect. That’s what we do!

We go back to his house and finally, the moment I have waited for arrives. My gifts to him are from my heart AND from our experiences. Gettysburg and Hamilton at the Kennedy Center. The pictures capture all the love! 

June 2
It occurs to me that I am near Sky Meadows State Park. It’s the place that I journeyed to way back in 1997 to hike and heal. It’s the place that I remember with fondness. Why not take IGF there before he graduates? And so off we go on June 2 to hike and dare I think of the next chapter? What will the next chapter look like for us?
I’m hoping that he will find solace in the outdoors like me.

And just like that it’s time to head back for graduation.
It’s happening for real! 
And that word shows up again in my brain. BRACING 
Am I breathing?
What’s the plan?
Are we sitting together? 
Did I mention that it’s hot? 
It’s happening!
IGF is graduating! 
Am I breathing?
Am I present in the moment? 
It’s good that I am asking the questions. Right?

It’s time to get ready for IGF’s graduation! 

And then the ceremony is over! And we are literally on the football field and I see IGF. I start taking photos and he’s jumping in the air like we practiced and I have the wrong lens on the camera. He hugs his Mom and I keep snapping photos. 

And then it happens. 
JJ is right there. 
I mean it’s happening and I start shaking, violently. 
I hug him and whisper in his ear (as practiced), “ I love you! I am so proud of you!” 
IGF is by me and says to my granddaughter, who I haven’t seen since 2012,
“ YMF, this is your Grandmother.” 
I immediately respond,
“You can call me Yaya! May I hug you?” 
She responds, “yes!” 
I am shaking violently.
I ask if I can have some photos and thankfully JJ complies. 
And I have two photos!

And then JMF steps toward me to give me a hug and my body just stepped backwards.
Just like that I step backwards and draw a boundary. 
And then it’s over! I mean it’s over. 


June 3
I have more time with IGF so I must stay focused. I have one more day with him and it must count. A new chapter is unfolding! IGF decides that he wants to go to Antietam. So off we go to visit the Antietam National Park. I took him there in May 2011 where he received his Junior Ranger pin! Dare I dream to recreate some photos? Yes, we dare! 

Island Cottage Refections

It’s taken some time to reflect on this surreal moment. The moment maybe lasted 10 minutes tops! 10 minutes. I went back to the photos for the time stamps hoping that my memory was wrong but I’m being generous with the 10 minutes. Thankfully, my journal is my best friend! And I begin to write as I fly home to my Island Cottage. 

“It seemed surreal, like my mind was outside my body watching everything and then YMF came into my sight. And I literally found myself holding my breath. Am I leaving JJ behind? Have I been holding my breath for 10 years and was finally able to breathe. Is it time for the dam to break and I can finally cry? 10 years of a weird suspension. And the worst did happen. I hope I have enough memories to sustain me. 
And then right there it happens, the sweet spot!

The Sweet Spot
I don’t have to be in a relationship with JJ to love him.
I will remember JJ with love.
The umbilical cord really is never broken.
And right here is the important part.
It’s important to make peace with this for the next chapter in our lives.

Your Thoughts
I’ve written for years about the cut off with JJ. It’s pure relief to finally breathe and love again. I wonder if you see any other sweet spots for me. What are your thoughts? I enjoy reading your thoughts and take aways!
Here’s the journey with the cutoff. Living With A Cutoff

Something funny happened to me at an Atlanta airport bar the other day that left me perplexed! 

I have this lovely answer to folks that come up to the bar and ask me “is this seat taken?” I typically respond, “I’ve been worried about you and was saving this seat for you!” It’s an ice breaker for sure and this day was no different. 

Her name is Wendy. She’s this cute woman with the cutest boots ever. And she proceeds to tell me about the goodness of Gringo boots. Have I mentioned that she was effervescent? She was married for seven years and they had two children. Her husband died and she carried on as a single Mom and years later she remarried and these are her words, “and then he changed on our wedding day.” She’s getting a divorce to make a long story story short and it’s not pretty. She’s on her way to Alaska to be with girlfriends. There’s another story but I stay focused. 

She found out he was having an affair and there is the
common ground. 

She calls this person a “two bit whore!” I literally shudder when she utters this phrase. She asks about my story. I’m candid. I don’t hold back. Why should I? And I have to be honest here. I didn’t have quite the emotion that I once had way back in 1997.

I look at the time and believe I need to check out and head to my gate. I can’t remember how this happened but we put our hands together and promised to remember this moment forever and then she said this. I will paraphrase. 

“You are way too nice to call “that person” Doo Dah. She’s a two bit whore. He was married and she knew it. She is a two bit whore.”

It’s strange that a connection happened so quickly and yet as I begin to think about it I don’t think it’s strange when talking about betrayal; that common ground is visceral.

I remember floating to the gate with that phrase running through my brain; over and over again. 

“She knew he was married.” 

Now let’s be honest. It’s been 25 years.
Why am I even thinking about this?
Why is this giving me a bit of a thrill?
I get to the gate and grab my journal and write it all down so I don’t forget this. And I continue to ask this question.
Is she a two bit whore?
And better yet, do I care?
And then why did I attract this into my life at this moment in my life?

And then I am talking with a friend sharing this story and she casually states,
“maybe you were what she needed at that moment.”

So I’m back to the title. Should I name her differently? I am choosing to keep Doo Dah! That’s who I am. It’s just that simple and quite frankly I don’t have time for Doo Dah anymore. I’m living my life and it’s good.

So where’s the sweet spot for me? I think it’s that I can be present with someone that is hurting, share my story and not have it take me down. In fact it uplifted me! The thrill was about being present with someone that was hurting and hopefully make a difference. 

I love when someone comments about a sweet spot that I may have missed. I covet your thoughts. 

Thank you Wendy and to the universe for bringing us together for that one small moment in time. It made a difference in my life. 

For those of you that know me, know that I am not a lover of T-shirts! Look at my wardrobe. 

The only place I wear T-shirts is to walk or exercise. That’s it.
OOPS! Well I am required to wear Conscious Discipline T-shirts when I am a helper for their workshops or institutions. And that’s the reason I have so many t-shirts!
Too many for me. 

I moved to the Lowcountry in July 2004 after 19 years of directing an early childhood center that was based in a church in Northern Virginia. The early childhood center was accredited by the National Association For The Education of Young Children. That’s a big deal for me. I was on church staff which brings blessings and burdens. I’ve taken a 17 year sabbatical from the church since 2004. Trust me that I’ve been looking. For sure I’ve been looking, however I believe that my faith, my beliefs have transformed in these 17 years. Sabbatical means that one is still studying.

In the beginning of my tenure at the weekday preschool, I saw and heard a lot being at weekly church staff meetings. I experienced mean people in the church; folks that called themselves Christian. Yes, I needed a break beginning in 2004.

Mike and I decided to attend a church late in the fall of 2004 and I commented to the pastor as we left that I was on church staff for 19 years. Here’s his response. “And you’re vertical?” And that got me to thinking. Is the church truly there to support and love each other? So I began to look, observe and reflect, thus the sabbatical. 

And then the country and the world began to change from 2004 to our current date. Dare I name them? I think I will pass. I can tell you what is important to me and my spiritual identity. It’s easy; love and accept every human being on this earth; no matter their gender, color. their political persuasion, their sexual identity, their religion, their country. Have I missed anything? Some days are easier than others when referring to political persuasion.

It’s simple! Love each other! Didn’t you sing that song in church growing up? I did.

I continued to look for my people. Where are you? I know that I live in the South but I continue to believe that I will find someone!

The Pandemic brought stuff. No judgements! I walked 569.54 miles in 2021. Every step of that way Bailey was with me. She’s a Scottish Terrier and she’s a Wheaton color not the typical black. So we are frequently stopped for either of these comments, “Is she a Scottish Terrier? OR Oh look, it’s a Westie!” These comments are always welcomed as they invite a conversation. 

And then it happens! It was Sunday, January 2. It was a beautiful day for the Lowcountry. Bailey and I are walking our 3 miles. A person stops us and asks, “Is this a white Scottie?” “Yes,” I respond! Good for you!” And then the usual pleasantries are exchanged and then I notice her T-shirt. Thankfully it’s a beautiful day and no coats are needed. 

Her T-shirt is a pretty pink with the Circular Congregational Church logo on the left. My heart literally skips a beat and I immediately ask her about it because this is the church that I have been researching for the past 4 months.

Here’s the T-shirt! 

Here’ the back of the T-shirt!

And right like that I’m in!

I’m walking away after exchanging our information and immediately call JWF and exclaim,
“I have a friend and maybe a faith community!”

Three days later Bailey and I are out walking and a lady exclaims to me from across the street, “Are you Jessica?” “Yes, I respond?!” as I wonder how this person knows my name. “There’s a person walking looking for you and your Scottish Terrier and she went that way! She has a red shirt on.” And just like that Bailey and I light out running. I think I know who it is. My people! It was my T-Shirt person, PW! How lovely to share a bit of our walk with a new friend. It was a first.

Fast forward and it’s the next Sunday! PW has put me on the mailing list for CCC and I’ve downloaded the app. Yes they have an app. Have I mentioned that it’s an historical church on the peninsula since 1681? That’s just really cool!

The church decided for safety reasons AND reasons unrelated to the Omicron variant to record their Sunday service, January 9. I watched it via YouTube and found tears rolling down my cheeks. They tell stories that are authentic and then link it to Scripture. I’m home. I’ve arrived home. I’ve been waiting for this moment. The pastor ends his sermon ( it didn’t feel like it should be the end) with this song as he is recalling exiting the MUSC COVID testing center. And maybe just maybe this is the sweet spot!

What’s your story? Where did you find your sweet spot in a time of famine?

Or maybe the sweet spot is being thankful for T-shirts! What do you think? Or just maybe it’s a Scottie!
Sing With Me! Can we just get on the Love Train and change our world? I’m ready and yes I am a young 70 and embracing that number, finally!

The O’Jay’s Love Train

People all over the world (everybody)
Join hands (join)
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world (all the world, now)
Join hands (love ride)
Start a love train (love ride), love trainThe next stop that we make will be England
Tell all the folks in Russia, and China, too
Don’t you know that it’s time to get on board
And let this train keep on riding, riding on through
Well, wellPeople all over the world (you don’t need no money)
Join hands (come on)
Start a love train, love train (don’t need no ticket, come on)
People all over the world (join in, ride this train)
Join in (ride this train, y’all)
Start a love train (come on, train), love trainAll of you brothers over in Africa
Tell all the folks in Egypt, and Israel, too
Please don’t miss this train at the station
‘Cause if you miss it, I feel sorry, sorry for you
WellPeople all over the world (sisters and brothers)
Join hands (join, come on)
Start a love train (ride this train, y’all), love train (come on)
People all over the world (don’t need no tickets)
Join hands (come on, ride)
Start a love train, love train
Ride, let it ride
Let it ride
Let it ride
People, ain’t no warPeople all over the world (on this train)
Join in (ride the train)
Start a love train, love train (ride the train, y’all)
People all over the world (come on)
Join hands (you can ride or stand, yeah)
Start a love train, love train (makin’ love)
People all over the world (’round the world, y’all)
Join hands (come on)
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world 
Join hands 
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world 
Join hands 
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world 
Join hands 
Start a love train

The last Yaya Camp was in Boston, July 2019! We had a grand time and we were both looking forward to the next summer and then the Pandemic hit! No Yaya Camp for 2020! Hello disappointment for sure. For both of us! 

So fast forward and we’re making plans. He decides on Gettysburg over Monticello! Secretly I was happy! I wanted to revisit Gettysburg with IGF!

I’ll be honest about this trip! I was a bit anxious because the Pandemic has not only kept us apart geographically but let’s face it there was little to no contact. No judgements! He’s a teenager and he was living primarily with his Dad! Read that story!

IGF is back at home with his Mom for the 2021-2022 school year! I’m picking him up and just like that there he is! My heart literally skips a beat! He walks Remington, the beagle, grabs his suitcase and off we go! My heart is pounding. Is this going to be an epic fail or continue to be an amazing journey with my oldest grandson? I’m hopeful!

We are literally one block out when IGF asks, “So Yaya, what’s it been like for you during this Pandemic?” And just like that it’s all good. 

It’s raining! No really, it’s raining and we’re making our way from Winchester, Virginia to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. It’s only 1.5 hour drive.

Did I mention that it’s dark? 

We’re driving into Gettysburg and the phone rings as we are literally pulling up to the front of the B&B! It’s the Bed and Breakfast calling. “Do I still want that roll away?” I hastily reply, “yes please” and inform him that I am in front! Did I mention that now it’s raining cats and dogs? The manager actually comes out to the car to help us unload our luggage. There’s no way around it for IGF or me. We step into probably 2 inches of water. Thankfully I have a rain slicker! Yes I have my Tieks on and yes they survived the ordeal.

We hastily get our luggage successfully stowed upstairs but find out we have to park the car in the back. Ugh! That means making our way outdoors again and finding the parking lot! Yes, it’s still raining! We’re hungry! And yes, it’s still raining! OH! I’ve already said that! Our feet are drenched! We did it! We successfully parked the car! We had dinner and came back to our room and no it’s not the Hilton Garden Inn. Not even close. That was by choice because I wanted to be in the middle of Gettysburg. 

Have I mentioned that the B&B was built in the mid 1850’s! This is important to know at this point! It’s not that pretty B&B that you imagine! 

Have you noticed all the exclamation marks? I have! 

So let me attempt to describe the room and reduce the number of exclamation marks! 

Thankfully, it’s necessary to have a key, a real key, to get into the three story house. Remember that we’re in Gettysburg and the house was built in the mid 1850’s! We have to walk up to the second floor and turn left to find our room at the end of the hall. 

Are you ready? I’m not sure that I was ready! The roll away is there. ( I so want to insert an exclamation mark.) All our luggage is there with all of my camera paraphernalia. I’m quickly surveying the room. Breathe. There’s hardly any room to walk. Small pathways to make one’s way between the roll away, my bed and the bathroom. And there is no door to the bathroom. There’s really no door!

Breathe. We are in the heart of the historic district. 

Back to the bathroom. There is no door! (This one deserved an exclamation point.Right? A teenager and a young 70 year old?) 

It is an accordion door that probably worked 50 years ago. But now this door has the most amazing and terrifying  gaps and a tension rod with a flimsy curtain. I’m not making this stuff up. 

So I decide to pay no attention. That’s right. I am giving no energy to the no door. Thank you Mom for teaching me this lovely skill. I can make it work. And you know what? I do believe we did it and made some modifications along the way. 

So the first morning IGF chose to be first in the shower and he literally shouts to the universe, “It’s either lava hot or Arctic cold.” I shout back, “You’ve got it.” He exits and informs me that it is a no shower day for him and he’s loaded up with deodorant. Well that’s a good thing. 

I’m next! Is the accordion door closed? Please! And I find that the flimsy curtain is a relief! Hello lava hot or Arctic cold! Unbelievable for sure but I did it with research. How can I make this better for IGF and me? 

You know what I’m going to say, right? Play with the nozzles. So each morning was a teaching session, from my bed, to say to IGF, “turn the left nozzle three turns and the right nozzle, five turns.” Hooray for research! It worked! Everyone had showers during Yaya Camp! 

So where’s the Sweet Spot? What do you think? I covet your feedback. Here’s what I think.

IGF and I did our usual “thing” of soaking up history and discussing what it may have been like if we had lived during that time. But here’s the thing. This visit was different because of the room and especially the bathroom. Don’t get me wrong. These experiences are memorable however who would have ever thought to have a heart of gratitude for these annoying things and then begin to wonder about their significance to IGF’s growth. Here goes! 

I’m under the impression that most folks would complain about the room and especially the bathroom; complain either to the owners or to each other. We didn’t do either! We made it work for us! On the ride back to Winchester is where we began to reflect our our 4 days and that’s where the two of us laughed out loud about the accommodations and we opined about the accommodations. We were able to find the absurdity and yes, find gratitude. There was no complaining. Now that’s the sweet spot! And more importantly IGF may be able to navigate situations in his life a bit more smoothly because of this experience. I can only hope!

What are your thoughts? Do you have similar experiences?

Enjoy the photos! 

Yep, my rudder is gone! No I didn’t loose her. She died in June and I am still in shock!

That was hard to write. Writing it makes it real! 

My person has died. 

Not COVID!

Cancers sucks! 

I do lots of trainings for Infant and Toddler teachers about the importance of attachment and the importance of healthy attachments versus anxious and avoidant and dare I say disorganized attachment style!

.
I ask folks in these trainings, “who do you call when you are in distress?” Many folks respond that they call their Mom. Oh how I wish I had that for me! Really, I wish my Mom was “my person!” Sadly she wasn’t! The good news is that I’ve been able to re-write that story. OR folks respond, “ I call my husband!” Again, the same response! Back to “my rudder!”

So SKW was my rudder! 

SKW saved my life in 1997! No really! 

I’m breathing! 

I’m closing my eyes. 

I’m remembering with tears rolling down my cheeks!

I want her back!  

Now! 

Where’s the sweet spot? I wrote out many sweet spots and this one seems the most authentic and most appropriate for this week of giving thanks. Giving thanks that I found my “person!” Not everybody gets a person!

I’ve not written for months! It’s not because I’ve not thought about it. On the contrary! I find myself searching for something that “speaks” to me! I think, “there it is,” with delight and then pull myself up short because I can’t find the “sweet spot.” That’s a must for this blog. So again, I let it go. And on and on it goes. I’ve even had friends comment about my silence. 

So fast forward and it’s almost October. I’ve been looking at the calendar and realize that it’s imperative for me to make a plan for Thanksgiving. I’m going to be alone, yet again, and I must develop a plan. I had fun on Airbnb researching small places that will take a dog and close to the mountains. I look at the price and wonder if I want to spend that money in a different way. Maybe I should stay put and make an appointment for a massage and manicure and pedicure. Maybe that’s the way to go? There is a Pandemic going on and the Delta Variant! Breathe!

Then I become aware that I haven’t had a “vacation” for years. I think the last one was to Sedona in the fall of 2018. Well duh! I really do need a getaway. Maybe something would bubble up to inspire my writing?

I’m in Spartanburg, SC, coaching in early childhood classrooms the first of September. I’m on a short break and find a text message from a dear friend that lives on Dewees Island. Check her out because she is brilliant. Nature Walks With Judy Anyway she’s inquiring if I would like to dog sit for a friend of hers. Now wait for it! On Dewees Island. For 7 days. What? I text Judy back to say, “yes, I’m interested. I don’t have my calendar in front of me. Please wait for my response.” Note to self. Get your calendar on your phone. I rush back to the hotel when I am finished and yes, I can do it. WOW is all I can say!
I had a feeling! 

So fast forward and it’s time to head to Dewees. I am scheduled to catch the ferry at 3:00. Of course I leave early because that’s how I roll. I decide to eat at Coconut Joe’s to remember Mike and the good times that we had. I have my journal, ear buds and phone and I’m ready. What a relief that the memories soothed me. It was just the best feeling. I checked the time and thought I should probably start moseying over to the marina. I ask for the check and boom. Look what appears! 
I’m getting a feeling!

I’m literally stunned! I look around for him and he is nowhere to be found. Thankfully I just sit there and let the, what feeling is it? I do believe it’s joy! “Well hello joy! I’ve missed you! Come sit with me for a bit.” So I sat there for a bit and just let joy wash over me. Fortunately I had my journal with my many colored pens and wrote him a heart felt note. 

You have to take a ferry to Dewees. Island. There are no stores or cars on the island. Only golf carts and bikes. Research it. . .I’m met by Carey!

Here’s the approach to Dewees Island!

So I arrive ready for the adventure; to begin the new adventure for the next week! I think to myself that I have an open heart and mind. I really am open to what’s next! I’m not in a rush and I have 7 days to just be! 

So look what happened along the way! 

And then one morning I ran into the kindest man! Everyone calls him Lo! He walked with me and the pups for a bit and then pulled out a shell, a very special shell! It’s the South Carolina state shell! He had found it on his run that morning and wanted me to have it. It is the Lettered Olive. I will always keep it in a safe place, tucked into my heart!

And the time came to say good bye! I don’t think the island wanted me to leave. I had no cell service to ensure passage on the ferry. I’m not worried though! Just text Judy to have her call for me. And then, yes, the golf cart had no more power. Serious corrosion. Nothing that a coke can’t fix but I don’t have one and I really need to get to the ferry. I text Judy again and she comes to get me.

Good bye Dewees! You were good to me!

Where’s the sweet spot?

I think it’s simple! Well it sounds simple.. Trust my feeling! Trust myself! And here’s the important piece; not judge it. Just accept it and then be curious.
Again it sounds simple but it can be tricky for a 70 year woman! This is where I covet your thoughts. Listening to my heart versus my brain wasn’t taught or even modeled when I was growing up so I can get into my head instead of following my heart. Any thoughts? Where is your sweet spot in these places of drought?