Living in the sweet spot in the midst of loss!
Yes, living! Not finding it but embracing the sweet spot and having gratitude for living sweetly, living abundantly in the face of loosing so much! That’s my choice! Sounds so easy as I write this but the past twenty years have prepared me. I am ready!
What is a sweet spot? Macmillan’s Dictionary defines it as the best possible place or combination of factors. I like it. Living in the best possible place in spite of whatever is happening around me.
Let’s talk about loss!
Everyone has losses! It’s a natural part of life. Loss begins on day one of your life. You leave the warmth of your mother’s womb and you cry. Look at a two year old when they experience the loss of that toy they thought was theirs forever. Learning how to manage loss is an important skill to learn in life and it begins early. Learning how to manage loss in healthy ways instead of finding revenge or blaming others is critical to lead a healthy and happy life.
I’ve sought to seek an abundant life each day of my life in the midst of experiencing losses. Well let’s be honest. In the beginning it was hard to see the abundance. I would see “hints and allegations” of the abundance but it was fleeting at best. But as days ran into years, thankfully abundance seems easier to find and experience; living in the sweet spot.
So what are the losses?
- 1997 The end of a 25 year marriage commences. Interesting that when I wrote this I did not use “my” marriage. It was “a marriage.” That’s telling!
- 1997 Living in an empty nest in the midst of a separation and divorce.
- 2000 My Father dies.
- 2002 Finding love again and then he has a massive stroke in 2004.
- 2011-2016 Moving 3 times in 5 years. A severe downsizing of my home.
- 2012 A rip in the relationship with my oldest child. I have not heard his voice since 2012. I have not seen my granddaughter since 2012. She was born in 2011.
- Growing older!?
- 2012 My Mom dies.
- 2016 The love of my life dies.
My Hope!
My hope, my intention is to begin sharing my journey, my stories, the messy process of it all and feeling the gratitude for all of it. In 1997, other women shared their stories with me. I quickly realized two things. Their stories gave me hope and I had to live my own story. I have to write my story.
Truthfully, I am a bit hesitant to put my stories out there. My Mom would probably think that I am getting too big for my britches. I am choosing to over ride my Mom, take a deep breath and take a risk; get outside of my comfort zone.
So, I’ll be posting stories of my journey. Beware though. I predict that my postings won’t be in any particular order. I will post dates though!
Are you finding the sweet spot in your life?
I covet your stories and your thoughts. So please, please respond back to me with your stories! I truly believe that we are better together. What can we learn from each other? So enough already. Let’s get it started. Tell me your stories! Are you finding the sweet spot in your life?
Living In the Sweet Spot 
I see these profound losses, and remember them vividly. My own losses have helped me to sit and be present, for sweet spots are all around us. If one spot seems a bit rough around the edges, again, I sit and contemplate what I can do to find the sweetness in life. The thoughts do not always surface right away, but I know that inward reflection and questioning will eventually lead me there.
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You inspire me view, and review loss throug a differen lens!
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Your stories will give hope, too! Celebrating your choice to dare to share. Love your pictures that enhance your writing. I’ll be keeping an eye out for yellow butterflies! I’m so happy our stories intersected and blossomed into friendship.
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I was raised a military dependent as a child til age 22 and then married a career Army officer and continued to be a military dependent for 18 more years. Living this nomadic life causes you to live with loss over and over again. Yes, there are new horizons, new adventure, new friends, new places…but there is always the loss. I think because of that sometimes I am reticent to too firmly establish roots…you see I won’t “lose” you if I’m not too close. But the dichotomy is I want others to seek me out, include me and feel attached to me. I long for that.
My learning to reach that sweet spot is this…definitely mourn my losses-that process is needed, but only for a short time. Spend the rest of my time establishing meaningful relationships in the present and learn how to be still and alone and appreciate THE NOW.
(From 2002-2007 I lost my mother, sister, brother, and two best friends. Except my mom the others were all to long, arduous bouts with cancer. It took me til about 2010 to really start to truly move forward.)
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I hear your losses Jessica and admire your courage to share them! I too share great losses! It is a community people who can build in sharing loss and grief, even if the loss is not a physical death but an emotional one. My losses have showed me every minute counts, scream or whisper your I love you, but to make sure you say it! To remember the good times and not dwell in the bad or the guilt of what ifs or I should have, but to not forget it either because it is after all still apart of your story, instead make the choice to choose happy. I think after in great loss it’s important to find a friend, a small group that gets you, who understands even if they are on their own journey (because aren’t we all co-existing anyway on our On journey grief or not?). For me I don’t have many friends at age 32 who have lost both parents, all but one grandparent, and at least 10 classmates, and 9 friends all in a fire. I do however have a grief group I attend with about 10-15 other people who as I like to say “get me” they know the feeling of not having that loved one pick up the phone, they know the feeling of loss! It’s about finding my new normal.
A seeet spot for me- Knowing that grief never goes away and it usually is a harder feeling to process if you try to avoid it…it will always find away out! Finding ways to self care and recognize feelings is important too. Also having a plan for “the big dates.” How will I spend their birthday or anniversary etc.
I look forward to reading other’s journeys and finding the sweet spot.
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Hello Beka,
I remember the horrific fire at the sofa store in Charleston. I had no idea that you knew all 9 that perished in that fire.
I have never thought of the sweet spot as the gift of grief but you are on the mark with that. Lean into it and absolutely make a plan to honor the moment.
Thank you for taking the time to share some of your story.
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Many of your reflections jumpstart the reflections of others…including me! Sharing from your heart can open the eyes of many to seeing the best in every moment! ❤️ Woot woot!
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Your words show such courage and a willingness to be vulnerable. You are sharing from the heart so we can all grow! I’m already hooked and looking forward to the stories!
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