Yep, my rudder is gone! No I didn’t loose her. She died in June and I am still in shock!
That was hard to write. Writing it makes it real!
My person has died.
I do lots of trainings for Infant and Toddler teachers about the importance of attachment and the importance of healthy attachments versus anxious and avoidant and dare I say disorganized attachment style!
I ask folks in these trainings, “who do you call when you are in distress?” Many folks respond that they call their Mom. Oh how I wish I had that for me! Really, I wish my Mom was “my person!” Sadly she wasn’t! The good news is that I’ve been able to re-write that story. OR folks respond, “ I call my husband!” Again, the same response! Back to “my rudder!”
So SKW was my rudder!
SKW saved my life in 1997! No really!
I’m closing my eyes.
I’m remembering with tears rolling down my cheeks!
I want her back!
Where’s the sweet spot? I wrote out many sweet spots and this one seems the most authentic and most appropriate for this week of giving thanks. Giving thanks that I found my “person!” Not everybody gets a person!
One Reply to “I Lost My Rudder!”
Wishing you well and holding you close in my heart as you remember and grieve.