It’s happening, it’s real! Sort of like The Velveteen Rabbit.
I found a voice message from JMF on July 25, 1998, that the divorce was final and that he and Doo Dah were getting married in October. I’ll be posting about our first meeting on that day at a later time. Yes, on that exact day!
I began thinking about my wedding ring early on but I can’t find any notations in my journals. I just remember feeling the angst about what to do with it. I didn’t want to just tuck that ring into my jewelry box only to be discovered by my sons at my death. It was a ritual that put that ring on my finger and it would be a ritual that would take it off of my finger. So what would that ritual look like?
I began to play around with ideas ranging from building something in my garden to hold the ring to finding a place in the outdoors to bury the ring but ultimately water won! Water has power. Water has the ability to cleanse and rinse; to make clean. We see it in the weather each year with hurricanes and floods. It is difficult in the beginning for sure, raw and emotional. I’m not surprised that water won. I am a Pisces!
So I began to think about rituals. What is a ritual and what is their power? Rituals are really an everyday part of our lives. We’re probably unconscious of the small everyday rituals but very aware of the big rituals. Think about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hanukkah and Passover. And then there is the big ritual, a wedding.
So could I create a ritual that includes water and give my wedding ring back to the universe?
I have loved the ocean since I was a small girl. My aunt and uncle would take me to the Gulf Coast for vacations. I was swimming and jumping off high dives at the age of three. I was water skiing at four years old. So going to the ocean was an easy choice. Water is a vessel of healing for me.
I made reservations for a house at South Hatteras, a different kind of place than where we would typically stay as a family at the Outer Banks.
From my journal. . . . August 19, 1998
I’m beginning to feel…. at ease. . . . comfortable . . .me.. . in this new way of being? Even though I’ve been living this way it just seems different today.
As I went to bed last night I thought I could pretty much sum it up with one short sentence.
I’m not me when I’m with JMF.
August 21, 1998
I biked yesterday somewhere between 32-40 miles. By the time I arrived back my thigh muscles were in trauma. I think it was because of the rest on the ferry ride and then I had 3 more miles to go.
So Here’s What Happened on August 20. 1998
My plan was to bike to Ocracoke. It would require me to take a ferry from South Hatteras to Ocracoke. I would take my ring off and throw it into the Pamlico Sound. So off I went on my bike with my back pack loaded. I was ready until the time came to do it and I just wasn’t feeling it. So I trusted myself. I enjoyed the ferry ride over and biked to the end of the island, ate lunch, journaled and rode back to the ferry. This time I was ready.
And guess what? Six Navy jets appeared in the sky as the ferry crossed to Hatteras. Yes indeed those jets were placed there just for me. I quickly took my ring off, kissed it and tossed it into the Pamlico Sound. It felt good. It felt right! The ring was in the perfect place. And the folks around me realized what was happening and applauded and somehow made a circle around me; surrounded me.
Reflections on February 28, 2018
This moment in time was really hard , both physically and emotionally, as I think about it and yet I trusted myself enough to keep moving forward. Trusting myself and listening to my feelings was the sweet spot. I trusted myself with the ring, not to just throw the ring away but trusted my instincts and listened to my feelings and found just the right moment, to seek that sweet spot for that ring. Okay let’s be real! The Navy Blue Angels was pretty sweet! Right?
So what about you?
What rituals have you created in your life to honor these important moments that just may be sad moments; moments of letting go? What are your stories? Were you aware of your feelings? Were you aware of what was going on around you?
I look forward to your comments below.
6 Replies to “How do I say good-bye to my wedding ring?”
This is a relatively new one for me.
Recently my oldest son stopped living with us. Now as a 24 year old this is not all that of a surprise that he would do this. However the day he moved out I was acutely aware that this was IT. This was the last day he will live with me. I helped him pack some stuff in his car. I gave him a hug, and watched him drive off. I came back inside and just sat for a bit.
There was sadness, but only a twinge. I was also happy. Happy for him being independent (finally). Happy for those of us still here in this home. Excited for how we will have a new way of living.
I just sat and really *thought* and *felt* for a good little while. It was almost zen like peaceful. I don’t think I’ve ever been introspective quite like that before. Just soaking in my own pool of….not sadness….my own pool of me, of my life, my sweet spot.
As for a new ritual, we now have a twice a week date where he comes over for dinner. This affords a new opportunity for one-on-one time that we didn’t have before. One-on-one time for both us and him and one-on-one for us and his little brother who still goes between my and mom’s house.
One last note: Many years ago I took the Ocracoke ferry as part of my first solo road trip. The ferry was the part of the trip that I was looking forward to the most. Being on the boat was the “cherry” on my new “independence cake”. I love the fact that we both had similar “feels” on it. Similar new beginnings in our new lives.
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What a thoughtful post. I am glad that you were present enough to honor the moment. Look what we have in common, that ferry!
Tight hugs. . .
So much trust in knowing what is best for you- it is inspiring! And I am definetly seeing a theme of courage in your blog- that was a lot to handle with a limited skill set and look how you have grown.
My brother has lived in Hatters Village since 1994. It is a healing place.
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SO glad you have saved your journals. I have NOT! After a sixth move in two years I let them all go – but of course the memories – and some pain – remains with me. Thank you for reminding me of the importance of rituals FOR me. I am going to commit to being more conscious of the rituals I have lost – or let go – my current rituals – and rituals I want to create. SO grateful you could be so conscious to see the gift of the Blue Angels!! Keep writing – you inspire me!
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. Looking forward to hearing about YOUR rituals.
I’m with Heidi and Susan – feeling inspired by your story. Finding strength in letting go. Creating rituals to help embrace the moment and revel in the experience.