It’s happening!
2023 is the year that IGF graduates. How did that happen when it seems like just yesterday he was born?
It’s happening!
This chapter of IGF’s life is finishing and another chapter is beginning. How did this happen?
What are my commitments to us as I head into IGF’s graduation?
❤️ Breathing is imperative.
❤️ Staying present is essential.
❤️ What will keep me on track? Breathing
❤️. What can de-rail me? Sightings of JJ and JMF
❤️ What will get me back on track? Breathing and positive self talk.
It’s the ending of a chapter for IGF and me! I’m ready! I want to get the ending right! The last 19 years of Yaya Camps have been amazing, from Virginia National Parks to San Francisco to Boston to Philadelphia to Washington, DC to Chicago and yes Charleston, SC! Did I mention National Parks?
Yaya and Ian at Isle of Palms Beach August 2005
May/June 2023
So I’m off to IGF’s graduation and I am full of excitement to end this chapter of IGF’’s life and yet let’s just keep it real here. I’m bracing myself because I will see JJ and JMF. It’s been 11 years since I have seen them! I can think about it, write about it and yet I can’t predict what’s going to happen. I’m on my way!
Breathing is my best friend!
My inner speech is critical. “I can handle this.” And yet my body doesn’t feel like it.
Back to the story!
Bracing for this experience! BRACING is the operative word here! It appears in my journal over and over again. I’m flying from New Jersey into National Airport and anxious has literally jumped on me. Thankfully, I know what anxious whispers, “you need more information.” Geez it is so hard to wait for that information.
I arrive and check into the hotel and text IGF. Lucky Yaya! I’m off to get him and we go back to Chili’s bar and just like that, we connect. That’s what we do!
We go back to his house and finally, the moment I have waited for arrives. My gifts to him are from my heart AND from our experiences. Gettysburg and Hamilton at the Kennedy Center. The pictures capture all the love!
June 2
It occurs to me that I am near Sky Meadows State Park. It’s the place that I journeyed to way back in 1997 to hike and heal. It’s the place that I remember with fondness. Why not take IGF there before he graduates? And so off we go on June 2 to hike and dare I think of the next chapter? What will the next chapter look like for us?
I’m hoping that he will find solace in the outdoors like me.
And just like that it’s time to head back for graduation.
It’s happening for real!
And that word shows up again in my brain. BRACING
Am I breathing?
What’s the plan?
Are we sitting together?
Did I mention that it’s hot?
It’s happening!
IGF is graduating!
Am I breathing?
Am I present in the moment?
It’s good that I am asking the questions. Right?
It’s time to get ready for IGF’s graduation!
And then the ceremony is over! And we are literally on the football field and I see IGF. I start taking photos and he’s jumping in the air like we practiced and I have the wrong lens on the camera. He hugs his Mom and I keep snapping photos.
And then it happens.
JJ is right there.
I mean it’s happening and I start shaking, violently.
I hug him and whisper in his ear (as practiced), “ I love you! I am so proud of you!”
IGF is by me and says to my granddaughter, who I haven’t seen since 2012,
“ YMF, this is your Grandmother.”
I immediately respond,
“You can call me Yaya! May I hug you?”
She responds, “yes!”
I am shaking violently.
I ask if I can have some photos and thankfully JJ complies.
And I have two photos!
And then JMF steps toward me to give me a hug and my body just stepped backwards.
Just like that I step backwards and draw a boundary.
And then it’s over! I mean it’s over.
June 3
I have more time with IGF so I must stay focused. I have one more day with him and it must count. A new chapter is unfolding! IGF decides that he wants to go to Antietam. So off we go to visit the Antietam National Park. I took him there in May 2011 where he received his Junior Ranger pin! Dare I dream to recreate some photos? Yes, we dare!
Island Cottage Refections
It’s taken some time to reflect on this surreal moment. The moment maybe lasted 10 minutes tops! 10 minutes. I went back to the photos for the time stamps hoping that my memory was wrong but I’m being generous with the 10 minutes. Thankfully, my journal is my best friend! And I begin to write as I fly home to my Island Cottage.
“It seemed surreal, like my mind was outside my body watching everything and then YMF came into my sight. And I literally found myself holding my breath. Am I leaving JJ behind? Have I been holding my breath for 10 years and was finally able to breathe. Is it time for the dam to break and I can finally cry? 10 years of a weird suspension. And the worst did happen. I hope I have enough memories to sustain me.
And then right there it happens, the sweet spot!
The Sweet Spot
I don’t have to be in a relationship with JJ to love him.
I will remember JJ with love.
The umbilical cord really is never broken.
And right here is the important part.
It’s important to make peace with this for the next chapter in our lives.
Your Thoughts
I’ve written for years about the cut off with JJ. It’s pure relief to finally breathe and love again. I wonder if you see any other sweet spots for me. What are your thoughts? I enjoy reading your thoughts and take aways!
Here’s the journey with the cutoff. Living With A Cutoff
Living In the Sweet Spot 