It’s happening, it’s real! Sort of like The Velveteen Rabbit.
I found a voice message from JMF on July 25, 1998, that the divorce was final and that he and Doo Dah were getting married in October. I’ll be posting about our first meeting on that day at a later time. Yes, on that exact day!
I began thinking about my wedding ring early on but I can’t find any notations in my journals. I just remember feeling the angst about what to do with it. I didn’t want to just tuck that ring into my jewelry box only to be discovered by my sons at my death. It was a ritual that put that ring on my finger and it would be a ritual that would take it off of my finger. So what would that ritual look like?
I began to play around with ideas ranging from building something in my garden to hold the ring to finding a place in the outdoors to bury the ring but ultimately water won! Water has power. Water has the ability to cleanse and rinse; to make clean. We see it in the weather each year with hurricanes and floods. It is difficult in the beginning for sure, raw and emotional. I’m not surprised that water won. I am a Pisces!
So I began to think about rituals. What is a ritual and what is their power? Rituals are really an everyday part of our lives. We’re probably unconscious of the small everyday rituals but very aware of the big rituals. Think about Thanksgiving and Christmas. Hanukkah and Passover. And then there is the big ritual, a wedding.
So could I create a ritual that includes water and give my wedding ring back to the universe?
I have loved the ocean since I was a small girl. My aunt and uncle would take me to the Gulf Coast for vacations. I was swimming and jumping off high dives at the age of three. I was water skiing at four years old. So going to the ocean was an easy choice. Water is a vessel of healing for me.
I made reservations for a house at South Hatteras, a different kind of place than where we would typically stay as a family at the Outer Banks.
From my journal. . . . August 19, 1998
I’m beginning to feel…. at ease. . . . comfortable . . .me.. . in this new way of being? Even though I’ve been living this way it just seems different today.
As I went to bed last night I thought I could pretty much sum it up with one short sentence.
I’m not me when I’m with JMF.
August 21, 1998
I biked yesterday somewhere between 32-40 miles. By the time I arrived back my thigh muscles were in trauma. I think it was because of the rest on the ferry ride and then I had 3 more miles to go.
So Here’s What Happened on August 20. 1998
My plan was to bike to Ocracoke. It would require me to take a ferry from South Hatteras to Ocracoke. I would take my ring off and throw it into the Pamlico Sound. So off I went on my bike with my back pack loaded. I was ready until the time came to do it and I just wasn’t feeling it. So I trusted myself. I enjoyed the ferry ride over and biked to the end of the island, ate lunch, journaled and rode back to the ferry. This time I was ready.
And guess what? Six Navy jets appeared in the sky as the ferry crossed to Hatteras. Yes indeed those jets were placed there just for me. I quickly took my ring off, kissed it and tossed it into the Pamlico Sound. It felt good. It felt right! The ring was in the perfect place. And the folks around me realized what was happening and applauded and somehow made a circle around me; surrounded me.
Reflections on February 28, 2018
This moment in time was really hard , both physically and emotionally, as I think about it and yet I trusted myself enough to keep moving forward. Trusting myself and listening to my feelings was the sweet spot. I trusted myself with the ring, not to just throw the ring away but trusted my instincts and listened to my feelings and found just the right moment, to seek that sweet spot for that ring. Okay let’s be real! The Navy Blue Angels was pretty sweet! Right?
So what about you?
What rituals have you created in your life to honor these important moments that just may be sad moments; moments of letting go? What are your stories? Were you aware of your feelings? Were you aware of what was going on around you?
I look forward to your comments below.